Whose Wall Is It Anyway? Letter To FB

Dear FB,

Please don't ask me to write on someone's wall, poke them, ask them to upload a picture or friend people you think I might know. I know you mean well but let's face it you are not match.com

Let's see I joined Facebook June 2006 and I must admit I have been hooked. I was there when all those applications were the rage. Superpoke was big that year, vampire fighting was in and so were all those growing gifts, animals popping from eggs, grafitti on the wall etc. Seen you guys move the dot and assimilate a lot of good stuff. And here's my take on your audience.

There are people who are new to facebook and pacing themselves. I call them the "Gingers". They have just signed up and are gingerly testing the waters. Like my daughter for instance. She joined and she got hit with a bunch of friend requests. She is searching for a profile picture and will not upload one till it is exactly what she is looking for. The gingers will take their time to understand the environment. They are self conscious and do not want to blurt something on their virtual wall and put their proverbial foot in the face. They are also very concerned about what their friends might post on their wall.

Then there are the Divers. Divers typically dive into everything with full gusto. They found something. They will learn everything about it. That profile picture will be on the very next hour. They will import email addresses. Scan their friends friends. Send friend requests. Within a few weeks, Divers would have completely understood the environment and raring to go. Divers will "like" comments; they will comment on links/posts and have those status updates buzzing. They might even bite off more than they can chew. Alpha...alpha...alpha.

You also have the Watchers. These folks have been around for sometime. They are there. They are quiet. They are reading. They may pretend that they are not interested and they will at gatherings say openly that they are too busy for facebook. They might ask Divers where they find the time to facebook. But they are there and they know just what you have been upto.

Another breed is the Sleepers. Sleepers or Dormants are different from watchers. They set up their profile. Probably forgot their username and password and have been like sleeping beauty, asleep for a few years. Now there are many instances when Dormants wake up and suddenly become active like those sleeper agents that Russia has planted in the US.

I would also throw in the Rashers. Rashers are dangerous to have as friends. They can write anything on your wall. Rashers go where no person has gone before. The bull in the china "wall" so to speak. Rashers can divulge information that was to be shared in an inbox. They can make provocative comments that can start a fire...you get the drift. The way to deal with Rashers is to isolate and use those newly improved privacy settings.

Add another important segment the Gamers. Gamers are competitive and committed folks who enjoy the many opportunities to match and win points. There are rural gamers who like the gentle farm animals, or the ones who prefer out and out combat...mafia, vampires, any others out there...bring it! You are either a Gamer or you are not...it is a genetic thang.

There are more. The optimists. The pessimists. The critics. The sage. The jokers. The daters. The mamas and the papas. People who make FB go round and around. So when you ask me to poke, to prod, to friend, to feed, to post, to suggest, remember all friends are not created equal. Jus sayin!

The Bridesmaid

Worn around the edges
And fading away
Aging faster, trying hard
To keep Chronos at bay

Memories woven and spun like silk
Sepia scenes embellished,
Enhanced and retouched
Unable to gaze away

Constant chatter clutters the mind
Every empty space crammed with noise
Silence and stillness
No longer a choice

Her eyesight’s fading
Her hearing acute
Her body failing
Her mind astute

Her life was lonely
But not alone
Tending to children
Not her own

A supporting role
The eternal sidekick
Always the bridesmaid
Never the bride

Unsure of her legacy
Of lives she touched
Gifts of music, language
Poetry and love

With every reflection
Faint outlines of possibility
As ethereal as the mists
On the hilltops of Ooty

Do we ever die if we can
Touch one life
Change one destiny
Inspire one verse?

Copyright © 2008 Shaku Selvakumar

What if 2012, What then 2010?

So the world may end on Dec 21st 2012 according to the Mayans and that would mean a little less than 3 years left on this earth. Whether we take the prophesy literally or metaphysically, the fact is that we are being forced by natural, social, economic and cultural shifts to engage in some serious reflection.

"The Hopi and Mayan elders do not prophesy that everything will come to an end. Rather, this is a time of transition from one World Age into another. The message they give concerns our making a choice of how we enter the future ahead. Our moving through with either resistance or acceptance will determine whether the transition will happen with cataclysmic changes or gradual peace and tranquility. The same theme can be found reflected in the prophecies of many other Native American visionaries from Black Elk to Sun Bear." - Joseph Robert Jochmans

Entering 2010, there is deepening awareness that our time on earth needs to make more sense than just existence. We can always say that 2012 is yet another disaster movie script and it doesn't mean anything. It probably is. Aliens may attack. Some maniac might launch a nuclear weapon. Or the earth may continue spinning on its axis for a very long time till the machines take over. But the point is we all are mortal and every day goes faster than the last.

So if we live like the world might end in three years would our decisions, our choices, our lifestyles, our priorities, our focus, our realities, our reactions, our careers be different? Would we love more and judge less? Would we say no more often to work that brings more stress? Would we stop living like we have all the time in the world?

I love resolutions, bless their tidy souls. At the heart of every resolution lies intention that is so vehement on bringing change. As the days pass, those intentions start rusting due to little or no care. And by the end of January, like boring leftovers, they are tossed into the bin of waste. Till the first day of the next year.

So as I look back at 2009, I mark it as the year when our world shook under the weight of so many revelations and uncertainities. I mark it as the beginning of another phase of constant change. When we became that generation holding the baton as our parents have passed it on. There is no longer any generation to blame only generations to lead.

"Sometimes, when we don't have the courage to change, everything changes around us to direct us to a new path. You cannot stop yourself from growing - evolution requires it." - The Secret

Here's my Nickelback anthem song for 2010 and I am hoping that if I hear it often enough I will not take the free ride in my own life.

"Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the price is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause
There's no second try
So live like you're never living twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life"

Buzzing in my head

Thought I would pull together some of my more popular status updates

Embedded in the arrogance that we cannot learn from others, lies the insecurity of the emperor with no clothes

Forget the sisters of regret...shoulda, coulda, woulda and their brother "if only"

Within each seed lies a journey to be birthed. And to each a journey as unique as a fingerprint

It is important to be silly, to be serious, to be strong, to be frail, to be yourself. What is life if we only shared a mask

Asleep

In the land of make believe
There is no hurt
There is no one
To deceive

Air brushed kisses
Static smiles
Hits and misses
Paid by plastic

Echo has no voice
A reflection for Narcissus
Entwined in a dance
Undone by Nemesis

Would that the heart
So deeply
Buried
Under layers of dirt

Like Beauty asleep
In soul less slumber
Refusing to weep
Unable to remember

Slowly the child
After years of knocking
Stays silent
Never to speak

---Shaku Selvakumar © 2009

On Report Cards and Performance Reviews

My daughters got their report cards recently and our pulse quickened wondering how they fared. Call it the PTS – the “parent teacher syndrome”. You can be a CEO or you can be a check out clerk. In the classroom, the teacher rules. Make no mistake about that. It turns out that the girls were doing fine and met their "targets". We looked at it, hemmed and hawed. Not telling them that they did better than us when we were in school :) High fives, had to keep promises that were made earlier in the school year all slowly depleting the family riches or lack thereof. I might have to take a deep breath and commit to adopting a dog.

In the adult world, most companies are doing their performance reviews. Did your work matter during the fiscal year? Did you contribute to the company’s bottom line? What are the success metrics? Who did better in the group? After all the bonus pool is finite. Benchmark this, benchmark that. Now if you are very organized, you would have kept a journal and starting January 1 of the previous year. You would have meticulously noted everything that you contributed. If not, you have to rewind, pause, record. The end result, a performance grade that will either reward or rankle for the rest of the year.

The point is that we are constantly being assessed. From birth to death. There are external parameters being laid every step of the way. As a newborn baby, you have APGAR tests and others. You come home all swaddled and you are compared to other babies, toddlers. When did she start talking? Is he walking? What about gross motor skills, fine motor skills. At school and college, your grades define you. You graduate and start work and your bosses provide the measurement. And those companies with the 360 reviews give you the opportunity to rate your boss. At home, your children or partner will give you the 360. Or this constant need to keep up with the Joneses. A bigger house, a more expensive car, exotic vacations and the list gets longer and the compromise continues.

At some point, you stop believing in yourself and start mirroring the opinions. An ex boss once told me when he was doing my performance review 8 years ago “Perception is reality, because people believe in it.”

History, however, is peppered with stories of heroes who defied perceptions and created their own reality.

This anonymous quote sums it up nicely. “Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, and expect more than others think is possible."

Here's to those who feared less and dared more.

On Living, Birthdays and Taking Stock

Ironically we seek to live when we are reminded about death. So when a birthday approaches, I typically tend to let it be...and many birthdays have slipped away like a thief in the night.

This year however, three incidents took place in close proximity. The first instance was early March, when we found out a good friend lost his sister suddenly to a random illness. The second was Natasha Richardson, actress, wife and mother of two who goes vacationing, hits her head on a ski slope and without warning this becomes fatal. Does it make sense? Absolutely not. She probably thought that bump on her head would be nothing serious. A perfectly normal day. She probably woke up looking forward to a relaxing vacation. Finally, my good friend Ron Todd who having survived melanoma got double whammied once again by the deadly C and is fighting to kick this monster.

It seemed like a wake up call this month. Questions that surface like bubbles on still water. Where are we heading and how do we make the most of our time on earth. What do those 3 blind sisters holding the scissors have in mind...what discussions are they having right now and about whom?

Coming back to living and an urge not to let another birthday slip away unnoticed by myself. To look at aging another year in the eye and say "I see you and I raise a toast to you!" And reminding myself that I do need to look into my bucket list and start working on it. Can we rewind, no? Can we fast forward, sure...when we refuse to pause to enjoy. Emerson states simply but succinctly "We are always getting ready to live, but never living."

Which led me to...taking stock of what was, what is and what may be. And you realize that it matters naught what you have but who you hold in your embrace. Who you touch with your love, your words, your actions, your thoughts. Without judgement. Four hundred people attended a prayer vigil for Ron last Tuesday in California. There is another vigil being held in Austin this Tuesday. Regardless of the outcome, Ron is already a hero to many.

As Thomas L Odem Jr says "If the essence of my being has caused a smile to have appeared upon your face or a touch of joy within your heart. Then in living - I have made my mark."

Here's to facing mortality by leaving immortal footprints.